i already hear my dad disowning me
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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