That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
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