dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I have already put on my inside pants.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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