You kept calling me your small dog last night.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize