i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
