She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
