Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
