youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
