I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
How does one acquire holy water?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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