how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
