I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
