Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
