you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
