Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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