so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
