Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
