you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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