she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
