I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
