Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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