yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize