That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize