then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
