I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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