On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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