Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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