LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
