What did we do last night that was yellow?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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