Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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