Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
