I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
