I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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