i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
