she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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