i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
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