I puked a lego.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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