How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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