The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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