I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
