you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
