I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
