i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Randomize
