woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
