what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
