Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
