i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
