who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Im at strip club and am horny
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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