why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
