his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
