If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
