He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
