Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
