i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
