you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize