so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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