evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
