I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
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