thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
someone get that fucking seahorse.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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