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• (916): View more from California

  come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.

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• (843): View more from South Carolina

  You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.

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• (716): View more from New York

  I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil

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• (435): View more from Utah

  Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK

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• (317): View more from Indiana

  Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.

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• (770): View more from Georgia

  When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.

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• (804): View more from Virginia

  I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.

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• (302): View more from Delaware

  Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?

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• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping

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• (775): View more from Nevada

  He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.

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• (906): View more from Michigan

  Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.

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• (207): View more from Maine

  I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head

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