Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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