Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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