Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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