It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
