Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
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