I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
