he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
