Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
