Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I believe in your delicious
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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