Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Text me some of your sweat
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